I Thought I Had to Earn My Worth
By Taylor Smith
I spent most of my life believing I had to earn my place, my worth and my confidence, and it nearly broke me.
I grew up in poverty, raised by a single mum with three kids, doing the absolute best she could. To me, she was and still is superwoman. She held everything together with grit, humour and love. But even with that love, I learned early that nothing would be handed to me. If I wanted more, I’d have to work for it.
So I did.
I worked hard at school, hard in my career, hard in life. But no matter how much I achieved, there was always this quiet feeling underneath it all. That I’m not quite good enough. If I just pushed a bit more, proved myself a bit harder, maybe then I’d finally feel worthy.
That belief followed me everywhere. Even into a relationship that slowly became controlling and violent. I stayed longer than I should have, but when I finally left, I didn’t feel brave. I felt broken and ashamed. It almost felt like something in me must have been wrong to allow it in the first place.
But again, I did what I’d always done. I pushed on.
I buried myself in work and ended up building an amazing career. Finance Director of three companies, I helped grow one to £400 million in sales. I was trusted, respected and successful by every external measure.
And still, that feeling lingered.
So then I started my own business, and I lost my baby.
That loss cracked something open in me.
I didn’t just grieve my baby, I grieved the version of me who believed that if you do everything “right”, life will work out just like you planned. I felt like a failure all over again, and I felt like I had let my baby down.
To put it bluntly, I felt like shit.
And this is going to sound cliché, but in the midst of my whole world crumbling, at least that’s what it felt like, I stumbled across a webinar. Nothing dramatic, just one moment where a well known guru spoke about looking inward instead of constantly trying to prove outwardly. Something in me rolled its eyes, and something else quietly listened.
Because deep, deep down, there was the tiniest flicker of light. A tiny voice.
It didn’t say “you’ve got this” or “don’t worry, everything is going to be okay”.
It said, “just keep going”.
So I did. One step at a time.
And it’s only when I started really taking the time to look inwards that a shift happened for me.
I realised I had spent my whole life believing my worth was something I had to earn, whether that was through suffering, success or survival. That if I just worked harder, endured more, achieved bigger things, I’d finally start feeling like I was enough.
But that belief, that confidence, didn’t come from doing more.
It came from remembering who I was before the world taught me to doubt her.
I wasn’t broken, behind or failing.
I was rebuilding. I was shedding layers that no longer fit.
Now, here’s the part I really want you to hear.
Maybe you are in a low season right now. And if you are, please give yourself lots of love, go gently and keep going, my lovely.
Or maybe you’re not in a low season.
Maybe your life looks fine on the outside. Maybe things are working. Maybe you’re stable and successful.
And yet, something in you is restless.
That quiet knowing that there’s more for you.
If that’s you, let me say this clearly and unapologetically. Bloody go for it.
Stop waiting for permission. Stop dimming your desire because it feels inconvenient or scary. Stop telling yourself you should be grateful for what you already have.
You’re allowed to want more and honour where you are. And you’re allowed to give this next chapter everything you have.
Today, I want you to ask yourself this. If I fully trusted myself, what would I move towards instead of talking myself out of it?
Notice what shifts when you stop shrinking the vision to match your comfort and start expanding your courage to meet it.
You don’t need to have it all figured out or to feel ready.
You just need to listen to that inner pull and take one step at a time.
Because whether you’re rebuilding or reaching higher, that tiny light inside you is not accidental.
You are here because you are meant for something big.
Not someday. Not when you’re ready. Now.
This is the moment you decide to rise, claim it, and go all in on who you already are.