Five Reasons You Keep Attracting Holiday Flings
Instead of the Life Love Partner You Deserve
For years, I thought attraction was enough.
If there was chemistry, if he was charming, if the conversation flowed and he seemed
interested, I would let myself hope. I dated through the chaos of modern dating for years,
using all of the apps – Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Plenty of Fish, blind dates, speed dating, even
Zoom dates in lockdown. And more than once, I found myself caught in connections that felt
exciting at first, but led nowhere meaningful.
On paper, it looked like I was putting myself out there. In reality, I was available for
almost-love.
My turning point came after a date that left me feeling so uncomfortable, so deeply not
myself, that I got on a bus in the wrong direction just to get away from him. I remember
sitting there thinking, What am I doing? Not just in that moment, but in my dating life as a
whole. When I finally got home and felt safe, I sat with myself and reflected on a deeper
question: what energy was I projecting into the world that was attracting these types of
Men? That moment changed everything.
“The goal was never to become more desirable. It was to become more discerning.”
Because I realised the goal was never to become more desirable. It was to become more
discerning. To stop dating from hope, pressure, or a need for external validation, and start
dating from feminine energy, self trust, clear boundaries, and the depth of my attachment
theory training.
You do not keep attracting holiday flings and situationships because you are not enough.
You keep attracting them because you are in a way that leaves the door open to temporary
Aree, and misaligned love.
Here are five reasons why.
- You are prioritising chemistry over clarity
Chemistry is easy to mistake for compatibility, especially when you are craving connection. A
spark can make you feel alive, chosen, and full of possibility. But chemistry alone cannot tell
you whether a man is emotionally available, aligned with your future, or capable of healthy
love.
That was one of the biggest lessons. Stop asking, Do you like him? And start asking, Does
this man align with the life I want to build?
That shift changes everything.
- You are romanticising potential instead of honouring your
standards
Many high-value career driven women lose their standards when they meet someone they
really fancy. They call it being open-minded, but often it is fear of missing out on love.
I had to learn this the hard way. I used to give too much weight to who a man could become,
instead of paying attention to who he was right now. And that is exactly where situationships
thrive. In this gap between reality and fantasy.
Your Life Love partner does not need to be imagined into suitability. He will clearly show you.
- You are listening to words more than actions
A man can say all the right things and still be unavailable for the relationship you want and
deserve.
I used to overvalue the emotional intensity of a connection. If he seemed keen, said I was
different, or made me feel special, I would hold onto that even when the consistency was
missing. But intensity is not intention. Words do not build trust, actions do.
“The right man brings clarity and calm. He does not leave you decoding mixed signals and calling it romance.”
The right man brings clarity and calm. He does not leave you decoding mixed signals and
calling it romance.
- You are dating from scarcity instead of self-worth
This one goes deep.
When you are afraid time is running out, and you can feel that clock ticking, and no one
better is coming, it becomes much easier to tolerate crumbs. You accept less than you
deserve because part of you is more afraid of losing the connection than losing yourself.
What changed for me was learning to anchor into feminine energy in a way that was not
performative, but embodied. Feminine energy is not about pretending to be soft, small, or
endlessly available. It is about being deeply rooted in your worth. It is Queen energy. It is
confidence. It is radiating boundaries without apology.
This is what makes you irresistible to the right partner – not your hobbies, not how
accommodating you are, not how much you can prove you are a catch.
By setting your Non-Negotiables and ensuring that all of your actions align perfectly with
these.
- You are hoping for commitment instead of dating intentionally
for it
Hope is beautiful, but hope without standards will keep you stuck.
I had to become intentional. I got clear on my why. I asked myself; what is it about a
relationship that I want, which is why I’m going to put myself through this online dating
process?
I defined my Non-Negotiables and aligned every aspect of my life to accommodate having a
partner within it. I stopped handing over emotional access to men who did not earn it. I paid
attention to actions and I gave time for the man to reveal his true intention through using my
Spread Dating Method.
And from that place, everything shifted.
I met my partner in February 2022, not because I finally became more lovable, but because I
finally stopped entertaining what was not aligned with the love I truly desired.
I used the very dating strategy I now teach through Rachel Mailer Coaching – getting clear
on my why, defining my Non-Negotiables, leading with feminine energy in person and on my
dating profile, honouring boundaries, and dating with intention. That is what led me to the
relationship I had been calling in.
We got married on 21st October 2025, and I am living proof that when you date with
intention,self-worth, and queen feminine energy, you stop settling for almost-love and make
space for the real thing.
The shift
If this article is hitting a nerve, let it be an invitation, not a judgement.
You are not behind. You are not too much. You are not asking for too much. But you may
need to raise the standard of what you are available for.
Ask yourself this:
Where in my dating life am I still choosing chemistry over clarity?
Where am I holding onto potential instead of truth?
What energy am I projecting into the world, and what is it calling in?
Where do I need stronger boundaries to honour the relationship I actually want?
Notice what happens when you stop chasing the spark and start choosing yourself.
An invitation to Step Into Your Sparkle
The love you desire is not found by abandoning yourself to keep someone interested. It is
found when you embody the woman who knows her worth, honours her standards, and trust
herself enough to walk away from what is not right.
You do not need to shrink, chase, or proof.
You need to return to your Queen Energy.
To your confidence.
To your boundaries.
To the part of you that already knows what kind of love you were made for.
And if you are ready to explore whether the energy you are projecting is magnetising your
man or pushing him away, take my free Queen Energy Dating Quiz and Discover the shift
you’re dating life has been asking for.
Because this is not the end of your story.
It is the beginning of your love journey, the one that you’ll be telling your family for years to
come.
Bio:
Rachel is a High-Value Dating Expert guiding ambitious, career-driven women to attract emotionally available protector‑provider partners. Through refined dating strategy, unapologetic boundaries, and embodied feminine energy, she empowers women to call in aligned, lasting love that honours their success, standards, and sovereignty.
