“There comes a moment in almost every woman’s life when she looks in the mirror and doesn’t recognise who’s looking back.”
For me, that moment arrived quietly, several months after the birth of my first son. It wasn’t dramatic. No collapse. Just a single, honest second that cracked something open inside me. It wasn’t a breakdown. It was the beginning of a breakthrough.
It was around 3 a.m. The kind of quiet that hums through a house. My son had settled. My husband was asleep. The home felt warm and held. Everyone was taken care of, except me.
I shuffled down the hallway, the soft ache of my body reminding me I’d only just crossed the threshold into motherhood. My mind felt cotton-woolled. My eyes burned with exhaustion. I was a thousand tiny tasks on two legs.
I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror without meaning to. Hair pulled back in a knot that felt like an apology. Eyes dulled by a fatigue I didn’t yet have words for. A woman who looked like she had been holding her breath for far too long.
I whispered, “Where did you go?”
There were no tears. No cinematic moment. Just a quiet vacancy. Like opening the door to a familiar house and realising half the furniture is missing, but you can’t quite name what.
At the time, I was doing everything “right”. I had a growing business, clients I cared deeply about, a vision I believed in. I was learning how to be a mother and running a company at the same time, living in a split screen. On one side, the nurturer. On the other, the founder. Both needed me. Both demanded me. And somewhere in trying to be everything, I misplaced myself.
Motherhood didn’t break me.
It initiated me.
It stretched my heart into shapes I didn’t know were possible. It showed me a depth of love that expanded rather than divided. But alongside the beauty came something quieter and rarely spoken about. My sense of self began dissolving, not all at once, but fraction by fraction. One night feed. One nap time. One “I’ll do it later”.
By the time I looked up, I could do everything, but I couldn’t feel myself in any of it. I felt lost inside, like someone had put my fire out.
Years later, after building successful businesses and working closely with over a hundred women, particularly across the design and property world, I hear the same sentence whispered again and again, often with shame or quiet exhaustion:
“I feel like a failure. I’ve lost my fire.”
And every time, I see something else entirely.
I don’t see women who have failed.
I see women who are unrooted.
Women who want to stand tall like oak trees, grounded and expansive. Women carrying wisdom, care, and strength in equal measure. Women who have weathered storms: motherhood, business, loss, pressure, responsibility.
They haven’t been broken. They’ve been weathered.
When roots aren’t tended, even the strongest tree begins to sway. Not because it lacks strength, but because it has been asked to hold too much for too long without nourishment.
This is what so many women are actually experiencing. Not a lack of confidence, but a loss of connection. A quiet drifting away from themselves.
In business, it shows up subtly. Things still work, but they no longer feel like home. Your voice softens. Your edges blur. Your energy drains faster than it used to. You keep going because you can, but something inside you is asking to be seen again.
Disconnection is not a dead end.
It’s a doorway.
The night I stood in the bathroom didn’t fix my life. It simply told the truth. And the truth was enough to begin again.
The return wasn’t dramatic. It was devotional. Small choices, repeated gently. Creating space before opening my inbox. Saying no to what looked right on paper but felt wrong in my body. Letting go of roles, expectations, and versions of myself that no longer fit.
“Confidence doesn’t return when you become someone new. It returns when you stop leaving yourself behind.”
If you’re reading this and feeling something stir, let this be your permission to pause.
Here is the truth: your fire isn’t gone.
It’s waiting, patient as dawn, for you to turn towards it.
So tonight, or tomorrow morning, when the house is quiet, meet your own gaze. Don’t rush it. Don’t overthink it. Just be there and ask:
Where have I been living from obligation instead of truth?
What part of me is ready to come back into the room?
Listen to the answer. Then say softly to yourself:
“I see myself again. I can do this. I am a super attractor to my desires. I remember my inner fire.”
This isn’t an affirmation.
It’s a remembering.
The morning after that mirror moment, I began a ritual. It felt awkward at first. But it saved me. Slowly, it became home.
I stood in front of the mirror, placed a hand on my heart, and looked into my own eyes. Not my tired skin. Not my hair. Just my eyes.
And I said:
“I see you.”
“You’re still in there.”
“The fire is coming back.”
Every day, I said it again. And little by little, I began to believe her. This woman in the mirror.
That’s the doorway, and I invite you to step through.
If you feel called to do this work more deeply, to step away from the noise and return fully to yourself, from 18–21 May 2026 I am holding a four-day retreat in Ibiza called Reset, Realign & Rise. A space to reconnect, realign, and rise back into your identity personally and professionally. Not to fix anything, but to remember what was never lost.
Your fire is waiting.
PULL-OUT QUOTES
- “Motherhood didn’t break me. It initiated me.”
- “They haven’t been broken. They’ve been weathered.”
- “Confidence doesn’t return when you become someone new. It returns when you stop leaving yourself behind.”
