By Tanya Ibberson, Financial Coach & Host of Breaking Financial Chains Podcast
There’s a quiet kind of grief that comes with starting over financially. Not the loud kind people rally around, but the one you feel alone at 2am when you’re trying to figure out how to pay the bills, hold it all together, and still feel like yourself.
I know this because I’ve lived it.
I’m a qualified accountant and now a financial coach for high-earning women but for years, I was hiding in plain sight. I looked like I had it all together: good career, smart with numbers, juggling work and motherhood. What most people didn’t know was that behind closed doors, I was trapped in a financially controlling relationship. Despite all my qualifications, I couldn’t access my own money without a fight. Leaving meant risking my license, my livelihood, and my stability but staying meant losing myself entirely.
I stayed longer than I should have because I couldn’t afford to leave.
That’s why I now specialise in helping women take back financial control; not just by budgeting or saving more (though yes, that matters), but by owning their voice when it comes to money. And if you’re going through a life change right now – whether that’s divorce, burnout, or leaving a 9–5 to build something on your own – know this: you can rebuild. Not just survive but actually lead with money.
Here’s how to get started:
Let go of the shame – it’s not your fault
Whether you’re coming out of a controlling relationship, a career that left you burned out, or you’re waking up to the reality that you never really learned how to manage money for yourself, none of this means that you’re ‘less than’. It makes you human.
I work with so many women who say “I should have known better.” But no one teaches us this stuff properly. Especially not as women. We’re taught to be grateful, modest, good with the emotional load, not how to negotiate a raise, leave a financial abuser, or rebuild from scratch.
Your first step in owning your voice financially is ditching the shame. You can’t build wealth from a place of self-punishment.
Know your numbers – without numbing out
A lot of women I work with tell me they’re “bad with money” but they’ve actually just never had the right tools or safety to look at the truth. Clarity is not the enemy. Avoidance is.
Start simple:
- What do you own (bank accounts, savings, property)?
- What do you owe (loans, credit cards, tax bills)?
- What’s coming in and going out monthly?
You don’t need a spreadsheet to start. A blank piece of paper or voice note works. The act of facing your finances is powerful. It says: I’m not shrinking anymore.
One of my clients, recently separated after a 20-year marriage, started by reviewing her bank statements with a highlighter in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. She sent me a message afterwards: “For the first time in years, I feel like I’m back in the driver’s seat.”
Build a Safety Fund – even if it’s slow
I call this your “f*** off fund” — and every woman needs one.
This isn’t about preparing for failure, it’s about reclaiming choice. Whether you’re freelancing, building a business, or recovering from financial trauma, having cash you control gives you breathing space.
Start small. £20 a week. £100 a month. I don’t care how slow it feels; slow money is still powerful money.
One of my coaching clients built her fund by selling old designer handbags and pausing one of her kids’ unnecessary subscription boxes. She now has £6,000 saved, and the confidence that comes with it? Priceless.
Upgrade your identity – not just your bank balance
This is the bit most people miss. Money mindset isn’t fluff; it’s how you see yourself in the financial story.
Do you see yourself as a woman who always struggles? Who’s lucky if she gets by? Or as someone who can learn, grow, and lead with money?
Start by asking: What’s the next-level version of me doing with her money right now?
Is she checking her accounts weekly?
Saying no to chaotic clients?
Investing in support instead of doing it all herself?
I worked with one woman who used to call herself “a disaster with money.” Six months later, she had a standing Thursday money date in her calendar, three new revenue streams, and a whole new standard for the kind of clients she would (and wouldn’t) take on.
Ask for help – unapologetically
You don’t have to do this alone. One of the biggest lies we tell women is that they have to figure it all out themselves or else they’re failing.
Get support. Whether it’s a coach, an accountant, a trusted friend, or even a podcast that helps you feel less alone (like Breaking Financial Chains — shameless plug!), let yourself be supported.
This work can feel heavy. But when you’re not carrying it all in silence, it gets lighter.
Final Thought: You don’t have to roar to lead.
Owning your financial voice doesn’t mean shouting louder. It means refusing to shrink.
You’re allowed to say:
- “That doesn’t work for me.”
- “I need to earn more.”
- “This is my standard now.”
You’re allowed to want ease, wealth, peace, and power – and you’re allowed to start where you are.
There’s no shame in rebuilding. There’s only strength in deciding that this next chapter is yours.
Content Page Blurb:
5 Ways to Take Back Financial Control After Divorce, Burnout, or a Life Reset
By Tanya Ibberson
What happens when life shatters the financial security you once had? Financial coach Tanya Ibberson shares her own story of rebuilding after an abusive marriage — and offers five powerfully practical, shame-free steps to reclaim your money voice. If you’ve ever felt lost, late, or ‘bad with money,’ this one’s for you.
www.financialwingwoman.com
