Hormones, Mood Swings and the Myth of Being “Too Much”

PMS, perimenopause and the natural rhythms of being a woman, it’s not in your head.

By Emily Barcley

“She’s so crabby, must be on her period”

“Crazy period pains/mood swings? She must be making it up”

“Menopause? She must be hysterical – send her to the asylum”

These tropes are all too familiar to any of us who experience anything other than a ‘normal’ menstrual cycle. Maybe we have a bleed that is ‘too heavy’, maybe we get monthly cramps that debilitate us, radiating from our ribcage to our knees that we are told is ‘normal – everyone experiences period pains, just take some over the counter pain tablets’, maybe in the menopause transition we experience anxiety like never before and we are dismissed with ‘pull yourself together, you always used to be able to do X, Y and Z’.

And with every dismissal we make ourselves that little bit smaller, we speak up that tiny bit less, we start to invalidate our lived experience that little bit more.

Enough, I say. Enough of being small. Enough of not talking about “women’s issues”. Enough of this systemic gaslighting. It’s time for us to take control. And to do that we need to understand our bodies and our cycles.

In short, through every menstrual cycle, we have a phase when our oestrogen levels are high, we are invincible, we have energy, we want to take part in life. This is the follicular phase, from our period until ovulation. Then, after ovulation, in the luteal phase, we start to have lower oestrogen levels relative to our progesterone. This leads to us potentially feeling fatigued, moody, weepy and more.

If we lived in a world where everyone was ruled by oestrogen and progesterone, we’d likely be more sympathetic to these peaks and troughs in mood and energy. However, we live in a world where we are expected to show up the same every day, and we are belittled when we are unable to do that.

So what can we do? Well, my primary suggestion is always to start cycle tracking. Get to know YOUR body and YOUR cycle. Use an app, use paper, use a series of fridge magnets; do whatever is right for YOU to get to know how you feel at each stage of your cycle. When I talk about cycle tracking, I am talking about so much more than knowing when your next period is likely to show up (and by the way, if you are on a form of birth control that means you don’t have periods, you can still track), I’m talking about leaning into the inherent wisdom your body has about what you need on any given day. Track your mood, your energy levels, your appetite. Whatever feels right for you. You might even want to start understanding what foods you crave, what music you want to listen to, what fabrics feel right at these different stages.

Once you have been tracking for a couple of months and have a clearer picture of what little cues your body is giving you at different stages in your cycle, you are then in a much stronger, more empowered, place than you were previously. Now you know what these little indicators from your body might mean. You can potentially plan things for when you know you’ll be at your best and factor in downtime for when you might need it (I am aware that in the real world this isn’t always an option!). Most importantly, you can start to forgive yourself for those times when you are “too much” and those times when you are “not enough”. You are neither too much nor not enough. You are you. Perfectly flawed you. And that is absolutely enough.

So lean into your cycle. Eat the salads in the follicular phase and the stodge in the luteal phase. Wear the pretty dresses around ovulation when you feel you can take on the world, allow yourself the luxury of comfy clothes as your period approaches. Feel the emotions that come with each phase. Let them in. The more they are allowed to live alongside you, the less power they have over you – when we fight the negative emotions, we are desperately trying to bury something that needs to come out. Those emotions are valid and real. Sit with them for a little while if you feel up to it. And if you can’t let them in on your own, I would strongly advise seeking some therapeutic support. Your emotions are not inherently bad things, and you are not a bad person for experiencing them. You may, however, wish to learn some coping strategies if things are overwhelming.

As for those oft-used throw-away statements, let’s rise up against them:

“Yes I am more crabby because my hormones are allowing me the luxury of a few days when I am not in full people pleaser mode, and frankly your behaviour is out of line.”

“Crazy period pains/mood swings? If I tell you I am going through this, grant me the kindness to hear me and accept my lived experience might be different from yours. Try to help me. (Or at least bring me chocolate!)”

“Menopause? I don’t need an asylum, I need a life audit and in saying that to me you’ve helped me identify at least one person who no longer serves a purpose in my life.”

In short, your hormones do not make you “too much”. Let’s join together and take up space, allow our ever changing bodies and moods to have a place in our daily lives. 

Content Page Blurb

Hormones, Mood Swings and the Myth of Being “Too Much”
PMS, perimenopause and the natural rhythms of being a woman — it’s not in your head.
This powerful call to arms breaks down the cycles of our hormones, the social gaslighting around women’s health, and the radical truth: you’re not too much — you’re just right.